Open Mouth Insert Foot

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and Why?

Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,”

–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

“““““““““““““““““

“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey


““““““

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very
important part of your life,”
–Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.


““““““““““““““““““““““““`

“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
–Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward.

““““`““““““““““““““““““

“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,”
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

““““““““““““““`

“I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through
our papers. We are the president.”
–Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.

““““`“““““““““““““““““““““`

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death
by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”
–A congressional candidate in Texas.

““““““““““““““

“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

“““““““““““““““““

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
–Al Gore, Vice President

““`“““““““

“I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
–Dan Quayle
“““““

“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
clean air do we need?”
–Lee Iacocca
“““““`

“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” –
–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

““““““““““““““““““““““

“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude
certain types of people.”
–Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.


““““““““““““““““`

“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”
–Bill Clinton, President

““`““““““`

“We are ready for an unforeseen event that
may or may not occur.”
–Al Gore, VP
““““““““

“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come
from overseas.”
–Keppel Enderbery

““““““““

“Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that
you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances”
–Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

““““““““““““““““““““““

“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
–Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Feeling smarter yet?
Send it on to your brilliant friends.
I just did!!

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Published in: on September 16, 2007 at 7:46 pm  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I love quotes like these. The Mariah Carey one? PRICELESS.

    What’s she doing now, anyway? Binging and purging?

  2. Thanks for visiting. The one who gets me is Quayle…what an idiot.

  3. *dies laughing* the last ones are specially funny. Snorted juice through my nose while reading. The food stamps joke is my favorite~

  4. Is there another Mark Fowler? That one pictured is a character from a TV show


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