ReinTarnation-Get the definition here!

THE WASHINGTON POST’S STYLE INVITATIONAL once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

And now…. Drumroll please

18. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

 

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Published in: on October 3, 2007 at 1:45 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Are You Smarter than a Third Grader?

Subject: WHAT STARTS WITH ‘F’ and ENDS WITH ‘K’  (its not what you think!)

 A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?”

Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade.  

My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is!  

I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!”

Ms. Brooks had had enough.  

She took Harry to the principals office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to

the principal what the situation was.  The principal told Ms. Brooks he

would give the boy a test.  If he failed to answer any of his questions he

 was to go back to the 1st grade and behave.  

 She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”

Harry: “9.”

 Principal: “What is 6 x 6?

Harry: “36.”

 And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

 The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,

“I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.”

 Ms. Brooks says to the principal,

“Let me ask him some  questions.”

 The principal and Harry both agreed.

 Ms. Brooks asks,

“What does a cow have four of that I have only  two of?”

Harry, after a moment: “Legs.”

 Ms Brooks:

“What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

 Harry replied: “Pockets.”

 Ms. Brooks:

 “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”

Harry: “Pants.”

 Ms. Brooks:

What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?”

 Harry: “Coconut.”

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

 Ms. Brooks:

“What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and  sticky?”

 The principals eyes opened really wide and before he could stop  the answer,

 Harry replied, “Bubble gum.”

 Ms. Brooks:

“What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?”

 Harry: “Shake hands.”

 The principal was trembling.

 Ms. Brooks:

“What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?”

 Harry: “Firetruck.”

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,

 “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I just got the last seven questions wrong…..”

Published in: on September 22, 2007 at 10:54 am  Leave a Comment  
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